Sunday, October 24, 2010

A new place to put shit I've written in the past!

A bunch of this is on my myspace page, where you can't read it.
The images are something I've been working on with televisions.





4/20/05 (pt 1)

“If you are what you eat then I’m coffee and meat”


Mesh the collection compulsion.
Compulsive neurosis,
Invasive probing
Proceeds
Passive machine
Sense of somewhere
More sterile than where you are,
Where you store strips of pride
To sew on.

Scars from a war
You fight with yourself
And always win.

It’s a Miracle!
No need for truth
No obstacle.
When you hold a “truth”
And you call it “The Truth”.
And every day you hope no one catches on
That a scar may not be a scar.
Like a bandage on a freckle,
For the sake of vanity it’s holy denial.
It’s sacrifice of sight for the sake of beauty.

And self-importance is next to godliness.





(pt 2) 4/30/05

Your prayers have been categorized
And put somewhere else.
Somewhere outside
For professional compulsives to compile denial.
Outside of the time you pledged,
Then obligated us to spend.

________________________________________________

9/13/99

I’m stuck on something,
a locked groove,
a broken clock.

Inspired termination avoids insanity.
Random psychic interruptions
 repeat in the distance.
Transmitters reach out to nothing.
And you can look out along the horizon,
at eyes and arms outstretched to embrace an idea
rooted in a fear of insignificance,
a fear of being alone,
a fear of death.
Cowards hide behind fists of faith.
I want to be ripped apart by a hurricane!
By god’s rage!
I want to drown in the pouring rain!
To feel a bolt of lightening rip my breast apart,
and spill my essence on the ground.

What, if not what we believe
makes it holy?
Neither experience
or suffering are God.

  __________________________________________________

“True Love”   3/5/05

Oh Cats!

I’d be a wealthy man

If the shit you shat
Weren’t shit but gold.  


 
1/3/05

Strange new

Feeling cold -
Not old, but tired.

The brink of something more is deserving of all,
But the observed reserve
the right to refuse admission.

One last wall before more walls
and this is a strong decision
NOT
Disillusioned submission.

What does it mean to say, “I will not be defeated”?
Isn’t it a call to arms?

To be undefeated, first you must fight.
And is it a fight if it’s only in your mind?
Is it a fight if there’s only one side?
Is it cowardly?
Is it fair?
Is it noble?

 _________________________________________

3/22/02

It’s not my responsibility to feel
Anything right now.
The hardest things to shake are hate and guilt.
Hate - for lack of trust.
And guilt - for making me hate.

This is not a request.
This is a demand to the wind.
This is the sun dying
Because the filament snapped.

I know what I don’t want.
I want everything to be clear.
I want a reflection.
I want to redirect the light,
In the hope of connecting to home,
But I have no spare bulbs.
No time to climb a ladder to the ceiling.

I feel the pull of the planet.
I’m grounded.
Tethered to the surface.
To cut a hole, the sunlight can charge its source.
The cold creates it’s own gravity,
Warmth is the core.        

I RESENT THE INDIFFERENCE OF THE UNIVERSE

Waste complaints still fill a void,
And dissatisfaction burns much cleaner than coal.


 _________________________________________________


11/16/01

There is a bit of the moon in me,
Disappearing,
                       Effecting my gravity.
My center of being,
It’s teetering,
But tethered, for safety.

The Moon is a reflector,
A reminder of what will be there tomorrow,
And what is gone forever.
A mirrored sentinel so we can watch ourselves
Watching ourselves.

And panning to show the rest of the arena,
ten thousand people demanding a refund.
Nothing’s quite the let down like the realization of being less than everything,
and demanding nothing for being unnecessary.

Just short of stupid and unfinished,
Wishes are promises you break to yourself.

 ____________________________________

11/05/97

Anger is bred at the circus two or three nights a week.
A magical procession of show ponies
taking sugar from your hand.
Performing tricks under the sparkling lights,
where everyone is ringmaster, pony or clown.
Showmanship makes you a star under the whip
and you are fed and groomed to perfection
in your cages,
and displayed to the outside world.
Which, by the way, “misunderstands your pride” and “fears you”.
You don’t understand concepts like being used or using.
Not because you don’t do them,
they just elude you as concepts,
like shame.
Dumb animals have no need for concepts or ideas, only prizes and treats.

_________________________________

Hate,
the exclamation.
Overwhelming situation.
Situated between two points.
North and south, Right and left,
or whatever.
An exclamation.
A proclamation.

I want you.




11/28/99

The angel of death is a cluster of stars,
Six billion years from home base earth -
Where Mother is dying from infection.

Light is redirected so as not to disturb the silence.

Tonight your prayers will not be answered
as the kingdom of the lord
has confessed to fraud.

The righteous place their heads in ovens
ashamed to admit the selfishness of their ways.
And the end of the world
 is the beginning of the kingdom
of god on earth.
For a low introductory connection fee,
including tax, shipping and handling,
with a monthly charge that equals
just pennies a day!

Where will you be at the end of the world?
Confident?
Or paranoid?
Do you think we have to suffer?
Or do we just suffer?
This is the blurry edge of time
and I do not feel fear
as I stare into the light
that is the voice of god.

In temples with big screen TVs
with high definition just around the corner. *
Drugstore porn masturbating pedophiles
have us on our knees
repenting for pleasure.
And if you don’t resent yourself
you probably won’t feel the bullets
that will make you martyrs.

* IT WAS 1999

_______________________________________

10/07/05

I’m not wired for this life.

Insomniac idiot.

Forever contemplating procrastination.

Indefinite attempts at failure
only provide an illusion of evolution.

And soothing fantasies of self-immolation
and lullabies of staring at the dark ceiling
in the dark sleeplessness.

This irrational
existential bullshit
digs deep tunnels in the mind.

Foolish paradigms waiting to be replaced
by a still salvageable existence.
Where core beliefs are not apparent
but still full of meaning.

Confusing idealism with innocence.
We are trying to prove the wrong hypothesis,
and insisting on false absolutes.

And we can all stop shouting at each other
while looking out for each others well-being.

I still want to step off
but it keeps moving
faster.

And I don’t want to get hurt.

 _______________________________________

05/07/02

“Natural disasters and Human error, mistaken identity and dirty blankets”

It’s been thousands of years,
And still we show how stupid we are.
Still fighting, still competing, still confronting
Sterile old feelings.

Humming

Buzzing

Vibrating against the skin.

Friction makes us still.

There is no connection,
No unity.
Divide and conquer is more than a theory.

These days are getting uglier and fewer.
There is not a single technique for mass destruction
As convenient as self-destruction.

And when all that remains is you against me,
What will we do?
What will be left when conflict is gone?

This is an overdose,
An overwhelming and unanimous ignorance.

 __________________________________________

1/18/00 2:25 AM

Sunshine on my shoulder burns like ice
on a wretched January night.
Cold like love
               forgotten.
Was it something in the air?
Or was sit just so much nothing
In a jar at the back of your heart?

_________________________________________

Anger cannot be rectified or amended.
Cleanliness is potentially useless.

Cause for alarm
Purposed by a committee of one.
In the form of a minority,
Objectified by the powers of reason.
A different flavor
Shaded by frustration,
Questioned by authority.

Does this mean it doesn’t matter?

Suppose it were to end right now?
Not caring would be denial
Then it doesn’t matter
Or perhaps lies are internal.
The path is dry and cracked...

It was inevitable.


 _________________________________________

09/11/01

I’m still waiting for something to happen.
Maybe it’s because I wasn’t there,
But I was sitting up,
Smoking a Cigarette and
Putting on my socks, just in time to watch it, live on TV.
And I’m still waiting for something to happen.

I don’t feel any more American,
And I don’t really feel any less.
I don’t feel more connected
Over a common sense of loss.
I don’t feel as if I should be on my knees begging for salvation.
And I don’t feel bad that I don’t feel much,
Except anticipation.
And I expect that in the end all I’ll feel is
The indifference of anti-climax
When they take everything away from us’

Because it’s not safe

It’s evil

And no one seems to acknowledge that it happens every day
Somewhere else,
And that it can be funny when it’s someone else’s problem
But it’s nothing if you don’t care.


 ________________________________

Some time in 1998:

ART IS FOR SUCKERS AND I ALWAYS WIN

A lonesome old man walked up to me
while heading home at 4AM.
Senseless rambling
and toothless.
Shut the fuck up!
Old and pathetic.
I don’t want to end up like you.

The muttering fool remained,
accosting me with spit he assumed me to
consider conversation.
Elated at the fact that I smiled back
at the hole in his face.
Oblivious to the fact
that my joy was towards
the drool on his chin.
A shallow puddle on the floor by his feet.

Ugly old fuck will never go home,
his mind is dead,
he has no soul.
He exists only to foul the air,
and ruin my ride home at 4AM.

 ________________________________________

9/20/99

I recognize that on a cosmic scale
significant is a concept far beyond language
or thought,
at least as we understand it.
And gravity is the scum at the bottom of a shoe,
unfeeling, and never coming clean
even though we wash our faces
obsessively killing microbes.

Bacteria is living dirt.

A map of the universe,
directions to home
from nowhere that ever existed,
until it was gone.
And repentance means nothing if you don’t mean it,
and if you don’t mean it, then why are you trying?
And who really gives a damn?

Insincere bastard

Running me out of breath,
making yourself transparent
Making yourself invisible.
A miserable sham excuse
for a ghost,
running out of excuses.

_________________________________________

 
I have seen the future in faces, not yet born
but fully realized.
Counting foward creates the illusion that
things will go on forever
regardless of a power source.
I refuse to sit and wait for illumination.





 
3/1/02

CALLING ON THE CAT TO MOON TRANSMITTER

It feels like only seconds ago,
the last time I was alive.
And nothing ever looks as perfect
as it does just before it’s gone.

Mistrust is extremely damaging,
hostility grows discomfort.
Rummaging through the damage
after the storm,
a coil set and tight.

The cat’s purr is sonar
She knows I have to pee.
And the air rolls foward to shake
the earth,
I’m bored.
And the symbolism is far too strong to be sarcastic.
Spastic, the hole drips information,
but the sewer is rejecting it’s host.
And as bile and molten earth rise to the surface,
and enlightenment is blurred again,
Just as it seems like we have arrived at the light,
the surface shifts.

 _______________________________

5/26/02

I can promise you only disappointment
waiting like a breath below the surface.
My existence has grown painfully boring,
and creation feels empty.
This must be how god felt before he left.
Leaving the lights on when leaving for a walk,
is only a good idea if you plan on coming home.
I’m talking to my cat like she understands what I’m saying.
Speaking to her about my day,
and the way things aren’t going.
Because I know she’ll lick my chin,
because it’s OK if it doesn’t matter.
And nothing matters to her.
Vibrating with contentment,
jealousy is at the very least an emotion.

____________________________________________


10/25/02

THE BOX

What a strange place,
we’re given the “gift” of freedom,
which we are told is a great responsibility,
but exercising your freedom is cause for suspicion.

We are told “ If they all jumped off of a bridge would you too?”
And then we’re ridiculed-
 for not being like everyone else.

And we are praised for our individuality
and for being “independent thinkers”,
and told that those who think for themselves are the ones
who will change the world.
When those independent thinkers are the tools
we use to create
the illusion of freedom
that keeps us warm.

Freedom unchecked loses its freedom.

_________________________________________
 12/31/2005

May all of your gods grant you peace, prosperity and comfort in the coming year and as a special bonus we’ll see if the can cover you for the rest of your lives.
May the prospects of our inevitable demise be overshadowed by the truth that we’ve been doomed since we started and if we sit around and wait, we might actually miss something.
Do something good for your self, and your lover, or your family, or your pet.
Spend the next year learning how to be happy.
This world is UGLY.
It’s a shame.
And if you want to continue to be distracted by trivialities,
don’t complain to me that your foundations crumbled
because you gave in.
Remember the price of freedom.

__________________________________________

8/23/01

Apocalypse Everyday

In a womb,
floating off of the shores of
nothing worth remembering.
Sometime before the moment,
but after it has been heard.
Ebbing gently with a patient tide,
reflecting and absorbing,
absolving solids of the responsibility
of dissolving the point in time
remembered for some reason
or another, now mostly
forgotten and not fondly reflected.

This is all gas and logic as the
surface destabilizes
any sense of stability.
This sense of security not acknowledged
or respected.
It’s senseless if you can’t
or won’t do anything about it.
But it’s devastating when you know the future,
and you try to shout it to the world!
But no one even pauses to look up from their rectums.
And you’re so convinced that you’re going to be a martyr,
but you’ve forgotten what it feels like to be human,
when you are afraid of your own shadow, but NOTHING else.
And nothing that anyone says is making any sense,
because no one speaks your language,
or they are too stupid!
But never special or important,
except when it’s convenient.
And fear breeds contempt
at the zero hour.
Hovering like hummingbirds,
leering like vultures.
As history repeats it’s self
you beat yourself
over your head,
unable to stop as the
sun shines through a window,
looking out at white light
until nothing is left.

____________________________________________

2/22/00

This isn’t about the little things,
It’s much smaller then that.
It’s about the space between two fingers touching
And the surface on the tip of a pin.
I am still sleeping through the information overload
And making my own discoveries.
I’m still learning that only some of what I’ve learned is true.
And I’m still learning that what I believe is not that far off from what you believe.

But opinion is stronger than belief,
And quiet reflection is not always self discovery,
And raucous passionate prayer is not always selfless,
and it isn’t always selfish.

People create the secrets
That become ideas
 That evolve into lies
That become opinions
That keep us apart
And full of guit
And full of half truths
That could block out the Sun with fear.
And destroy the idea
That things are getting better.

But we haven’t even gone that far yet.
I’m waiting for my tower to come crashing down
But I’m afraid to look at the surface
For fear of what I may find.



 _________________________________

Untitled

Wide open with disgust
                           Forced down
                           Face down
My sole attempt        
         To shut down the electrical connection
         Classification of specific situations
         By intensity.
Ranging                  
         From denial to rage
         In time spans of
         0.05 to 25 seconds.

         Categorically dissected to locate
         The point of infection.
         Because a reference point allows
         Distinction between Science and
         Magick. Back to the origin of a
         Civilization that has undergone
         Transformation after Transformation
         Feel the need to retaliate
         Vengeful neglect of all situations
         Pertaining to the continuation of
Evolution through reincarnation.                 
Feel the need to open a dialogue
With yourself. Open internal
Communication clears the pathway
For the invasion.

Prepare yourself for the destruction
Of all your rational beliefs and then
Throw out, bit by bit, every little
Piece of joy that has ever existed
And might possibly exist, even
After now has come and gone.

Prepare to eradicate before and
After and learn a new word for the
Time that exists between them.
Interpretation is self destruction
Based upon all that you have learned
Through interpretation.
Create a tangible manifestation of
What you most despise and then
Become it. Then die and be reborn
Again for all eternity.
Accept challenges from no one
But yourself. External conflict is
Nothing but frustration communicated.

___________________________________________


01/05/02

There is chill
And there is no more chill.
Asleep standing up
Against the ugly force of
Light that surrounds the
Inside of us right now.
I think,
I think about you too much.
Feeling like touching through the void.
Outstretched,
Ostracized for a moment beyond time
And singing a lullaby
Of sacrilege and lust for life.
This is a Glorious point in History.
This is the future splaying itself
Before precious eyes.

Before teaching yourself to lie to yourself
To set yourself free from everyday life.
Because everything is not so boring
When something as beautiful as everything
Is blooming and about to burst a glowing
Sense of being
And ends meet.

 ____________________________

4/30/97 5:55PM

One hundred million years of anger,
Frustration
Wisdom
A voodoo doll
Trinkets
Bits and pieces of starlight and moonlight
Glued together carefully to the backs of
One hundred thousand cereal boxes
In the homes of collectors of all sorts of plagues.
And maybe just once more before the end of time
The electromagnetic forces in mankind
Will be switched off
And we will fall apart
And shake off the dust
And scrape the scum off of the surface.
A giant net, collecting
Wasps
Beetles
Mosquitoes
And Ants
Together in a bag
And fed to a fire.
And then we will dance, formless.
Shame gone.
And we’ll laugh at jokes like
Heaven and
Love.

 _________________________________
 
11/07/00

The children in the commercials,
They are trying to seduce me.
They look at me with their sex starved eyes.
Programmed to program me
Sending me messages they were told
I want to know.
The rats gnawing at the ropes that bind
My wrist are too gentle.
I wish they would just cut off my hands.
And, “All this for nothing”
That is the mantra.



 


I've posted a few new tracks from my music project:
Poison Kills the Princess
 
http://www.myspace.com/poisonkillstheprincess

It might save your soul (but I doubt it) 







Went to Salem last Friday to get into the Halloween spirit.
Wiccans all need to stop taking themselves so seriously, it's embarrassing.

Feeling spooky? Ambient discomfort abounds at:

The ONLY place where you can experience the filth that is
Poison Kills the Princess
You know you want to.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

 Poison Kills The Princess

http://www.myspace.com/poisonkillstheprincess

Poison Kills the Princess is an electronic music project I started in 2008. It's the soundtrack to my dreams and nightmares forced into your ears. It's preparation for the mayhem and post-coital somnambulism. It's something to do when I can't sleep.
It's also the first post on my new blog.
I hope to speak of PKtP often.
You should give it a listen. Just put on a pair of headphones, get comfy and listen.

 
The only track with any vocals is Double Negation (RMX) and this is what I had to say:




Double Negation

Sick of apathy
Sick of god
Sick of rhetoric
Sick of choosing sides
Sick of taking sides
Sick of politics
Too many choices
Too many variations of
right and wrong
or good and evil
Too much empathy
Too much emotion
Attempting to eradicate
“multi-isms” without
damaging individuality
Learning not to care
Outside of yourself
Learning not to get
too distracted by
outside stimulus
Learning to cultivate
the ability to truly
think for yourself
Learning that
Not god
Not technology
Not environmentalism
will  save
the world
Learning that the world
doesn’t need
to be saved
Learning to stand
on our own two feet
Learning that
If you don’t stand up
You will be crushed
Learning that
Beauty
is a choice
Love
is a choice
Hate
is a choice
Learning
To control those choices
Learning that
Accountability
does not apply to
strangers or colleagues
Only to friends
Remembering NOT to trust
priests, lawyers, judges or teachers
as
priests, lawyers, judges or teachers
but as Human Beings
Learning to be comfortable
saying what you like
or don’t like
Remembering that
You don’t have to
impress anyone
Keeping it simple
Remembering
that it is there
for everyone
but most are
too stupid
to accept it-
That’s OK
They would die like you
but  they will not be in your way
No more preaching to the converted
convert the preached to!